Bangalore: Leela Palace Hotel

Another surreal moment - listening to the Archers omnibus edition in a 7* hotel in India. But then again, India is pretty surreal full of paradox.

This hotel is stunning - really luxurious; butler service; great food; choice of pillows; US$400 per night. Crazy when one thinks there are people outside the walls living rough. I'm not the first and I won't be the last to say this - India is a land of paradox ... fantastically industrious and clever and populous population -- and yet many things are tired and rundown and hard-to-get going. If I was running the country I would not know where to start.

Choice of pillows? You bet!

Your room is provided with goose down feather pillows but we offer a choice of pillows for your sleeping comfort and experience.

Try:

* Spelt pillow
* Neck supporting pillow
* Horse hair pillow
* Down special pillow
* Non allergy bolster
* Smoker pillow complete with "anti-smell" treatment
* Standard latex pillow
* Super soft pillow
* Chimera pillow
* Firm pillow
* Contour pillow
* Slim pillow

Crazy. I wonder how many people actually bother to change? Reminds me of the occasions when one goes into a NY deli for a cheese sandwich and then you're confronted with a bewildering choice of breads; cheeses; pickles etc etc etc and then you just choose the first on the list.

Let me tell you about the massage experience I had last night. I've had a few massages in my time in Asia now -- all proper massages if you know what I mean. And I think I know a good/bad one when I have it now.

Tonight I had a Ayurvedic Head, Neck & Shoulder Massage:

This massage is performed in a rhythmic motion by a therapist using a special massage oil over the head, neck and shoulders.

I'd not quite prepared myself for the quantity of oil but should have known ...

They insisted on standing over me whilst I took my top off. Then asked me to strip down to my pants. Gave me a dressing gown then I was escorted to the massge room.

Dim lights ... candles ... new age whale whining ... you know the deal. Then the (male) masseurs asked me to get naked. I questioned him on this (it was billed as a head and shoulder massage only) ... his retort was "there's a lot of oil".

I duly stripped off - then he wrapped this kind of paper sanitary towel round my nether regions, sat me on a stool, and then proceeded to tip a bucket of warm melted butter (ghee) all over me. Was not expecting that -- extremely smelly and itchy. Not very relaxing to be honest. I'll know for next time.

Joss walked out of a Ayurvedic massage recently - they laid her down on her back and dripped warm oil on her forehead for a full 5-6 minutes before she got bored/a headache/blew her stack.

Check this one out - recommended by one of my Indian clients!

NETHRA THARPANAM

In this treatment, a boundary of herbal paste is made around the eyes and warm medicated ghee is gently poured into it and retained. This not only cools the eyes, but strengthens the optic nerve, relieves eye strain and prevents eye disease.

Pouring luke warm melted lurpak on my open eyeballs is not for me to be frank!! Imagine what your eyelashes will be like when it hardens!

M